26 Thoughts for 27

1. Throw away the scale.  155 lbs of muscle looks better than 145 lbs of dieting fads.  Want to know your weight?  Go to the doctor.  Go to a gym.  But checking it incessantly is damaging, and hurts your journey to better health rather than helping it.

2. Date. Even though it is mostly a banging-your-head-against-the-wall experience, date.  You’d be amazed by the things you learn about yourself and what you want in a partner.

3. On writing days, even though I’m going to be mostly in front of my computer, get dressed. The act of getting ready for the day, even if it’s spent at home, boosts productivity.

4. Don’t let guys get away with being lazy.  Don’t be cowered by the “why do guys have to put in all the effort?” complaint.  Why do girls have to get all dolled up for a first date?  The “I got tired of putting in effort to planning dates for nothing,” excuse is bullshit. A guy will always put effort into getting laid.  If he has a “bad” lay, he will still continue to put effort into getting laid. So if he can put effort into getting laid, he can put effort into asking you out.

5.  First dates should be planned 48 hours in advance and solid plans should be made.  If they’re not then they don’t take you or your time seriously.

6. It’s okay to say no.  Not making plans is much better than flaking on plans later.

7.  Call over text.  It’s amazing how much I hate texting now.  For the occasional correspondence it’s fine, but conversations that go deeper than “look at this funny meme,” or a quick “how’s your day going?,” should be on the phone.  If you want to talk to me call me.  I’ll call you. Let’s facetime!  Let me show you how crazy I look because of all my notes and outlines posted on my wall about butt plugs and how long it takes for a body to decompose.  It’ll be great.

8.  Actively guard your body as well as your heart. If you’re at a place to have sex just to have sex and not get emotionally attached, awesome (and by awesome I mean you lucky bitch).  But make it a conscious decision, not an in the moment one.  There are few women who can have sex without emotional attachment and that’s okay. Recognize it.  Own it.

9. Don’t have sex with someone for the first time drunk.  Seriously.   Drunk sex is awesome with someone you’re dating and have been with for a while, and most importantly TRUST. But with someone you’ve just met? You’ll probably regret it. Plus sex sober is better anyways.  Much less bumping and fear of accidental *cough* placement. And if they aren’t into having sex sober, than they aren’t that into you.

10.  Invest in batteries (& condoms).  Vibrators/dildos are awesome.   They give women the option of pleasure without a man or the risk of carpal tunnel.  A woman who has a way to seek pleasure on her own is less likely to have “regret sex.”  That being said, those babies use batteries quickly. So stock up! (Yay Costco trip!) Also, be a grown up and buy some condoms.  That way, when you do find a guy who you’ve deemed worthy enough to enjoy the awesomeness that is your bod, you’re prepared.

11. Own your mistakes.  The first step to fixing something you did wrong as quickly as possible, is to admit you fucked up.

12. Chat with people.  In the elevator.  The grocery store. The bookstore.  Take two minutes to have a conversation that goes a little further than “Hi, how are you?”

13. Send thank you notes.

14. Come up with a system for your finances that works for you & stick to it.  If you don’t have one go see a financial advisor.  The first meeting is free and the ones after are a great investment.  Money rules the world.  Don’t let it rule your life.

15. Don’t go to bed if the dishes aren’t done.  I don’t have a dishwasher and I get to hand wash everything.  It’s as horrible as it sounds.  But, by going to bed only if the dishes are done, I avoid the build-up phenomenon one can often find in fraternities.

16. Read.  Whether it’s a magazine, a Buzzfeed article, a book, the back of a food label, anything, just READ.

17. Stand up for yourself and don’t feel like a bitch because you did.  As a female, whenever I “put my foot down,” I immediately start to question myself. Was I too mean?  Should I say sorry? NO!  Just because I don’t let someone patronize me doesn’t mean I’m a bitch.  It means I’m an adult and they’re an idiot, which I will inform them of immediately.

18. Your faith is your own.

19.  Government policy is more important than politics.  And so are your friendships.  But no one truly cares about policy, they all care about politics.  So, if you have different political beliefs than some of your friends,here’s an idea: DON’T TALK POLITICS.  Don’t look at their Facebook page.  Don’t look at their twitter.  If you’re at the zoo together don’t go see the elephants and donkeys.  Just don’t do it. The amount of people I’ve seen posting, “if you’re voting for candidate, thanks for ruing our country… thanks for being an idiot… unfriend me now because I don’t want to be friends with someone who is dumb, racist, etc.”  The animosity brought on by this election is UNREAL.  Grow up and recognize that people have different opinions.  Agree to disagree.

20. Quality of friends > quantity of friends.

21.  No matter how tired you are or how crappy the day has been, go to yoga (or your equivalent).  Take an hour to invest in yourself and refocus.

22. Do a 30-min “clean” every night.  Seriously.  Even on the nights when you’re so tired you ate popcorn for dinner, set your phone for 30 minutes and do as much cleaning as you can.  You’ll thank yourself at the end of those busy weeks.  (I thank my mom for this one, she’s a big fan of the “timer-method”).

23. Set goals.  Learn new things.  Step out of your comfort zone.  Never stop bettering yourself as a person.

24.  Call/ spend time with your family.

25. Compare yourself to yourself, not others.  Especially in today’s world.  We no longer go to college, graduate, get married, have kids, etc.  The options are endless and the standard path is dwindling.

26. As Lian Dolan says: embrace the chaos.


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